While I was wasting time on Pinterest, I mean looking for inspiration and recipes and ideas for things I will never do, earlier today I happened upon this article from parents.com. It was really what I needed to read and hear. It's called 10 Ways to Stop Yelling. I have really been losing my cool with Simon very easily lately and I don't really know why. I can't figure out what my deal is and why I am getting so impatient with him, and is very upsetting for me because myself and how I am acting and it is not good, I feel like I have been losing control and don't know why or how to get back to being my normal self instead of this "grouchy mom" I have become. I suspect it might be a tiny bit depression, part cabin fever/SAD/not-going-outside-enough-and-getting sunlight, part exhausted from a retarded sleep schedule (why have I been staying up past two every night!), part tired from having a baby who demands being held and nursing tons this week (see post below). I think mostly just tired, you can blame it on whatever you want.
I think another part of my deal is that I have unrealistic expectations of my three year-old's behavior. And on top of everything else about a week and a half ago he regressed with the potty training and I have been handling it very poorly. Today was a good day, but man, I lose my cool so quickly when he has an accident, but everything I read says it is perfectly normal, and the more upset I get about it when he has an accident the worse it will be.
Right now I am really trying to get a handle on things and be better. I am always trying to be a better parent and wife, but right now it has become more important for me to be better. I know there is something wrong, and I'm trying desperately to fix it, I am just kinda having a hard time right now, and I don't get to see Steve a whole ton, which is hard too. This week my main focus has been on getting Simon to bed at a reasonable time and watching less tv. I introduced Simon to Lego video games, and boy was that a mistake. We only have demos for a few different games, but that boy is an addict! So this week I combined the potty training regression with the too much tv. If he has an accident, he doesn't get to watch anymore tv until he can show me that he can go pee on the potty. And then it's just one or two episodes. We watch way too much tv in this house. Way too much. It's hard though because I spend so much time sitting on the couch feeding Desi it is just easier to turn on the tv so Simon can sit by me and watch tv together, but earlier in the week I decided to sit on the floor and feed Desi and play toys with Simon, or at least just keep him company and it has been working. Tv watching has definitely decreased this week and decent bed times have also been happening! Correlation or causation? Tv: brain over-stimulation: staying up late? Perhaps... Tonight Simon crashed on the couch and was was out before 8:30. My goal has been to have him in bed with lights out by 9:30, and we have done it on average this week. We have had some nights earlier and some later, but it has averaged out to that and it is so exciting for me! (And I know what you are thinking, you have been telling me for 3 years that Simon shouldn't stay up so late) Simon has been staying up way way too lately because by the end of day I am exhausted and getting Simon in to bed always seems to clash with Desi needing to be fed and I postpone it, let him watch "one more 'movie'" and before we know it is late late late! But it has been working out this week, and I am going to stick to it, I need to stick to it, and then I get a few hours of quiet every night to myself which is very nice, very nice indeed.
Anyways, I am just going on and on and I should probably stop. There is tons more I have to say on this subject, but if you are still reading by this point you are probably about bored to death. Although I'm pretty sure no one reads this blog anyways, it is nice for me to be able to word-spew about how I am feeling lately, because I have been a little down and hard on myself, and unsatisfied with my performance as a mom. Here's to doing better, being better, not being so harsh on myself, and focusing on the brighter parts of my performance.
Til We Meet Again | One Year Later
3 years ago