Things I wish someone had told me about having a second baby

If I could give warning to someone who is having a second baby it would be this: it is so much harder than having your first baby.
I had a very hard time adjusting to having Desmond, like took me 6 months to finally get the hang of things and get into a good groove.
Physically, it was so easy. I had  a VBAC with Desi and I can not even tell you how much easier the recovery is from a vaginal delivery, it's seriously not even fair! I went for a couple mile hike less than a week after I had Desmond. With Simon- my first and a c-section- I couldn't even stand up straight to walk for several weeks! What was hard was all the demands on me. Trying to take care of all of my baby's needs while still taking care of my 3 year-olds emotional needs. I had no clue having another baby would be tough. I thought to myself that it would be easy, I had done it before, I knew what breastfeeding was like, I knew what changing diapers was like, I thought since I had done it before I could do it again no problem. Boy was I wrong. I honestly feel like it took me a good 6 months to get the hang of things and finally get myself (and my two kiddos) into a good routine. Before I list my tips, let me say this. This is what works for us and for our family (or what I wish I had done instead), I made lots of "mistakes" and paid for them. We have a very different schedule than most people because of my husbands work schedule, my older child sleeps in and so do I. I am not trying to tell anyone that my way is better than their way and they should do what I said just because it worked for me. This is what works for us, what other people told me and I wish I had listened, or what I wish I had done instead, and might be things for others to try out or to ignore and say, "Whatev' girl, you are crazy!"
1. Listen to your mom (and everyone else) when they tell you not to hold your baby all the time. I was lucky and had my parents and husband around for the first week or two after I had my second baby, which meant my older child was being occupied by everyone else and I got lots of cuddling time with the baby, but when they left and hubby went back to work, I realized that holding my baby nonstop was a luxury I couldn't afford if I wanted my Simon-son to feel special and important too. (Please note that I didn't listen to my mom. I continued to hold Desi even though situations didn't allow it. We often ate dinner an hour or two later than we should have, ate tv dinners which can be easily prepared while holding a baby, Simon watched lots more tv than I would have liked, and Desi currently takes naps in my arms, which he is doing as I type. This is a case where you should learn from my example by not doing the same thing I did.) With your first, holding them non-stop is great, and I love the cuddles, but when you have an older child to take care of too, it just isn't possible to hold the baby constantly. When baby falls asleep put him in the bassinet, and let him get used to it, it's okay, he will still be loved and know that you love him even if you don't hold him 24/7. If you feel bad/guilty/just don't want to put your baby down, invest in a nice baby carrier whether you prefer a front carrier, wrap, sling, whatever, you will need your hands. Imagine that you are sitting on the sofa all cozy with your sleeping baby cuddling, then your 3 year old needs to go to the bathroom, and I mean NOW! That baby is gonna need to be content laying on the ground or in a bassinet or safely tucked into a carrier. I can tell you from experience it is not fun squatting in front of your toddler with a nursing baby balanced on your knees while you try help the toddler on and off the toilet and wipe his butt. Not only is it difficult to do, I imagine it isn't too sanitary.
2. I just said this but... Get a nice baby carrier if that is your thing. It's my kind of thing, but I always forget how great it is to use around the house. Use it around the house! Also, it's great for running into the grocery store especially if you have two kids. Desi is a heavy boy, and carrying him around in his baby carrier carseat is not doable, that thing is so freaking heavy! Pop him in the carrier and he's not screaming the whole time you are in the store, you can use both of your hands instead of trying to hold baby in one hand, while trying to steer the shopping cart with the other hand, and don't forget about your other kid, how are you gonna help him out when he gets hurt while in the store or throws a tantrum because he can't get whatever random thing he wants. Even if you are going in to grab one thing use the carrier. Desi out-grew his front carrier and it is a pain to wear him in, so I finally ordered a new carrier that can go on front or back, I ordered a Boba 3G, I will review it after I use it some. I am finally (after 8 months) to the point where I am so sick of holding him all the time! He is heavy! (20lbs) and it is nice outside, and I want to play outside with Simon without holding Desi, and we don't have a yard, we have concrete, so I can't just let Desi play outside with us. He gets put inside with the baby gate in the front door so I can see him and then he cries because I am outside, not holding him, and he is stuck in baby prison. Did I mention Desi has to be held ALL THE TIME! Baby carrier for this kind of baby=lifesaver!
3. Get out of the house. When Simon was a baby I worked full-time, so I got out of the house a lot. When Desi was born I was lucky enough to be a mostly stay-at-home mom. I was working two days a week and I could bring Desi with me if needed. When you are a SAHM (at least for me) it is so important to get out of the house. You will probably psych yourself out like I did and say it is too hard to go out with two kids, it's such a pain to get both of them in and out of the car and car seats, and packing bags, insert complaint of your choice... Yes it is a pain, but it is worth it. I had some little bouts of depression because I wasn't getting out of the house enough, plus it was wintertime, and I didn't like taking my babe out in the cold cold winter weather. But I can also say when I take the effort to get out of the house I feel so much better. I have more energy because I am getting up and moving around, I have to shower at a reasonable time during the day, I actually get dressed, all things that make me feel better.
4. If people offer to help, take them up on it. If they ask what they can do, put them to work! Have them babysit so you can go out on a date, have them sit at the house and hold the baby so you can take a shower, let them vacuum the floor for you or watch kids so you can do it, or take your older kid out so he can feel special. If people ask if they can bring you meals, say yes! And then don't have them brought consecutive days, if you can space them out every other day (a lot of times they bring enough to eat for two or three days). If your spouse is off work for a week have the meals start up after he goes back to work or maybe just one or two while he was around so he doesn't feel like your slave. :) If you have the freezer space, get together with a friend before you have the baby and make freezer meals and fill up your freezer. Also if you have the space, and people want to do a shower of sorts for you, have everyone bring meals for you as shower gifts, or ask them to bring them after you have the baby. Make your crockpot your best friend. Prepare ingredients when you have a few spare minutes during the day, toss them in, and put on Hi or Low depending on how long it was before you were able to start it up. Also some of those freezer meals can be ready to dump into the freezer. Pinterest has been a great resource for me on finding good recipes. (link above is to SixSistersStuff click on recipe index and scroll down to the section of freezer recipes then look at their entire website, it's awesome)
5. Take it easy on yourself. You might have been Superwoman before, but you just had a baby, and completely changed the dynamics of your family, it's gonna take some getting used to, and you are all going to have to change a little bit to adjust.
6. Exercise
7. Take time for yourself- even if it is just showering and exercising everyday.
8. Don't forget about your spouse. With the demands of baby and older kid you I often don't leave time for me and especially not always for him. He is important, and if he feels important and is happy, and not stressed, and his needs are being met, he is going to be more able to help you out. Tell him he is amazing, tell him thank you.
9. Don't forget about your older child. One thing I have been trying that I think maybe my mom or sister suggested is whenever I am sitting on the sofa feeding Desi or holding him while he sleeps I let Simon know beforehand that I am about to be unavailable. I ask him if he needs anything before I start feeding the baby, make sure his needs are being met, and then while I am feeding Desi offer to Simon to read him books. As long as he keeps bringing me books I keep reading to him. Also, another sad confession, in my tiredness I have napped on the sofa while nursing Desi, and just keep pushing play on the Netflix for Simon. Remember, I said don't be too hard on yourself. Yeah lots of tv isn't ideal, but is a nice life-saver when you need it. Your child won't be developmentally destroyed and you will probably be a lot happier and patient if you get a nap.
10. This one is going to be a contradiction, so just have a sleep situation that works for your family. I love co-sleeping. I also wish Desi was in his own bed. Do what's best for your family. Co-sleeping works for us because my husband doesn't sleep at the same time as me,  I have a king-size bed to share with my baby, and I enjoy it. We also live in a tiny little two-bedroom apartment. Ideally, I would have Desi sleeping or napping in his own bedroom in his own bed. However, he shares a bed with me, and my husband sleeps in that bed during the day. We have a crib, in our room, the room my husband sleeps in during the day. So what we do isn't exactly what I wish I was doing, but it would make things a lot easier if Desi was napping in his own bed and naptime could be spent keeping up with housework and playing with Simon. I have my ideal, just our current location sandwiched in an apartment between two neighbors doesn't really leave me feeling comfortable working on sleep training and letting Desi cry, I worry about my neighbors will think of me when they hear Desi crying, silly? yes, but true.
11. Stay up an extra 15 minutes and clean up before you go to bed. I recently started doing this and those few minutes at night makes a huge difference. When I come down in the morning and everything downstairs is clean it is so nice. It makes the day start a little better and I don't feel as overwhelmed as I did when I would wake up in the morning to a messy house. It is worth the 15 minutes of Desi crying while I quickly clean up the house.
I am sure there are more things I wish I had known or done when I had my second baby, but this is good for now. What are some things you wish you had known or done differently, or things you did that you feel you wouldn't have survived without?

Worries about having two kids.

I love being a mom. I love my Simon-son. He is amazing, and so sweet and he makes me so grateful that I have such a fun calm, well-mannered little boy. Knock on wood. Let's hope he stays this way. I am grateful that I get to be a mostly stay-at-home mom, and that I could be a full-time one if I wanted, but Simon loves going to his Vovo's house and playing with his cousins and I love my job and my coworkers. I am also grateful that I am not working as much through this pregnancy. I am feeling pretty good nowadays, but am always tired. How did I work full-time through the last one? I actually worked two jobs last time and sometimes went a few weeks without a day off. How did I do that? How do other moms do that? I have no clue, but they are amazing.
Some days I wonder how I am going to handle having two kids. I feel like some days I have absolutely no patience for Simon and I thought I was a pretty patient person. What am I going to do when I have a crying baby and a whining Simon? I have a feeling it will involve watching more tv and movies than we already do. It may involve reading more books. I think it will definitely involve more sitting on the couch, though I already do a good deal of that because I am tired all the time. And hopefully it involves more walks but it will be getting cold out shortly after baby comes so we will have to bundle up! I do plan on getting a Moby Wrap or similar type of wrap to have the baby close and my hands free for Simon, I had a sling with Simon and didn't like it, all the weight on one shoulder was not comfortable.
I worry about Simon alot though. He has become much more of a momma's boy than he was already since I stay at home a lot more now. How is he going to handle having a younger brother? Is he going to get jealous, is he going to love the baby so much? I think he will love the baby, he likes to see my belly to see the baby, and when the baby is moving a lot I will take Simon's hand and put it on my belly so he can feel it. I'm not sure if he feels it or not but he giggles and he likes to kiss my belly. Hopefully he is still as fond of the baby when it is no longer in my uterus.
We went to register at BabiesRUs the other day because if I went and registered I got a free $10 gift card, so I figured why not, and also at the end we get 20% off anything on the registry not purchased, so even if no one else looks at it, we still a discount on the stuff on it like swings, bouncers, bibs, blankets, whatever! But while we were there I realized there is a lot of stuff we never had for Simon and for two reasons. 1. We were in a pretty small 1 bedroom apartment and didn't really have the space for a lot of stuff. 2. He was in daycare 5 days a week, and got to play with lots of cool toys there and when he was home I was mostly playing with him and holding him and didn't have a need for lots of things to amuse him and keep him occupied, because I was that thing. Now that I am a stay-at-home mom, and have another kid that is going to need attention too, I am going to have to buy a lot of that gear I never had before. With Simon we had a bassinet, a swing, a tummy time pad, and his crib. He never had a pack'n'play (which we aren't going to get this time either), he never had a bouncer, or a vibrating seat, or a play exersaucer thing, or a baby monitor (his crib was in the living room, his bassinet was in our room, and we co-slept), or a boppy (i just used a small pillow). We never had to buy an infant carrier (carseat) because we were given a used one by a trusted friend, but now the handle is broken and doesn't lock in place so we need a new one. I am realizing now that these things add up, there is tons of gear we have to buy and it's a little scary- so much money! We have a swing already, but I am thinking of getting one that is a swing, bouncer combo, and you can take the bouncer seat off, but maybe it's smarter to keep the swing we have and just buy a bouncer seat, but having the two in one saves a lot of space in our small place. We are thinking about moving, but want to stay here because it is so cheap, we would rather keep the extra $350 a month we would have to pay to live in a larger place. Oh goodness having another kid is a little scary. So much to think about and buy to get ready for the new one, perhaps a trip to Once Upon a Child is in store instead of stressing about the cost of all the new stuff. Thank goodness we are having another boy so we don't have to buy an entirely new wardrobe too, and thank goodness Steve has a real job now, so money isn't quite as tight as it used to be, though it's still a little tight since we have to pay off his school now.
So, sorry about the complaining about all the gear we have to get, really if we just worry about the basics, we'll get a carseat, a double stroller (buying from my sis), and a moby wrap, and we should survive. And as far as Simon I plan on giving him his own special time at night like we do now, where I will rock him and read books and sing to him before I put him to bed, I am hoping that his special time at night will help a lot and I will try to give him special Simon time whenever the baby is sleeping. Any suggestions on how you prepared your first kid for the arrival of a second one and still made time for the first one so s/he didn't feel left out would be appreciated. When we get close to delivery time I will ask for suggestions on the hospital/delivery part and what you did with the older kid during that time- but we will worry about that part in a couple of months. Simon wants attention now, I have been typing too long and he is hungry and needs Dora!

having kids

No, I am not pregnant. But I very recently came to the realization that if you want more than one child, it is smartest to get pregnant with that second child before #1 gets much more than 18 months old. At that point Child #1 starts to get a lot of "personality" and starts to become more independent, stubborn, smart, and frustrating. And at that point you start to wonder if you really want more than one child. Seriously, there are brief moments when I wonder why I would want more than one child, and then you get those wonderful moments where you think you would want tons of kids because they are so wonderful and sweet, and want to call their dad before they go to bed just to say goodnight and I love you.
I love my Simon-son, but man, sometimes I ask myself, do I really want to go through this again- and then maybe even a couple more times after that? No worries though, we do want more kids, and intend to start trying in January while we are on amfabulous trip to Malta! And after that, maybe it will be a good idea to have the kids a little closer in age. I actually wanted them to be about 2 years apart, but I also wanted Steve and I to be able to go to Malta- which had to happen after he graduates, and I didn't want to be pregnant on the trip because that would be miserable, and I knew if I had a young baby at home there was no way I would be able to leave it behind for two weeks. Luckily I have finally gotten over my attachment issues with Simon, and I am pretty sure I can handle being apart for 2 weeks. I left him with Steve for 1 week while I went to Vegas for work, and it went very well.
So anyways, if you plan on having kids, have them about 2 years apart, because if you wait until Child #1 is almost 2, you are going to be seriously reconsidering your desire to have more kids.